1. I agree, it's probably not good to constantly say "I can't do this, I'm going to fail." BUT it isn't very much more helpful to constantly say "I got this, I'm awesome" Because you might not, and you aren't always so wonderful. My mom is the first to tell me there are things I can't do (like sing in key and succeed at any sort of athletic endeavour), but she's also the first to tell me that if I work hard I could surprise myself with success in some other areas like academics, creative writing, and working with kids. It's like my little cousin used to tell me "keep your nose level" don't put it up in the sky so that you have to look down at others, but don't stare at your shoes all the time. You aren't great, but you're getting better. Right now, you're ok. I need to tell myself that more but I'm really bad at happy mediums, I'm very extreme.
2. I don't like this culture that acts like we need happy faces all the time. It encourages strength and fighting for joy which just turns into suppression of natural sadness which will just bubble up later on in a really bad way. Face your dragons and make friends with them. Cry with them for a time. Admit that you are discouraged and angry and this is not how you wanted life to turn out. Then, when YOU are ready (not just when your friends are) get up and move forward, your dragon will still be there, but you've stared him in the face so long you know it isn't going to be as scary as you think to keep going.
3. Positive thinking has made us horrible not only at dealing with our own grief but with helping our friends through theirs. Just a few months ago someone I love dearly lost someone she loved dearly, because I know what it's like what with losing my dad at 15 she asked me to come hang out when she didn't want to put real clothes on and face the world. So we ate popcorn in sweatpants and watched the life of pi and cuddled, because (even though I sometimes forget and am just as bad at this as anyone else) I have learned that sometimes a cheerful clichéd lesson is not what people need. They need someone around whom they can take of their mask and just be sad. Sadness has become a great taboo. We are encouraged to ask for help rather than kill ourselves, but it has been my experience that if you tell someone ``Every time I wake up, I immediately wish I was dead`` this is what will happen: An awkward silence followed by either
a) an attempt to cheer you up because they can't handle your sadness
b) a denial and minimization of your sadness because they can`t handle your sadness
c) a referral to a paid other who will try to set you straight because neither of them can handle your sadness
d) a rant about all you have to be happy about and the importance of positive thinking because they can`t handle your sadness
I don`t think anyone has ever said ``That sucks want to talk about it`` in a way that I actually felt comfortable talking about it with them, usually I pick up that they don`t want to talk about it, so I don`t. The problem with keeping sadness in your head is that it grows.
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