My grandmother died almost two weeks ago. I have been meaning to write something about it for the longest time because that is how I figure things out and I like sharing my process with other people in case they are going through the same sorts of life times, but I couldn't put any of my thoughts or feelings into written words. I kept trying but it wasn't working. Then the other day I was thinking about life and something came to me: families. This is the thing I ranted to my mother about most during our late night talks after the death of my grandmother who was her mother. I talked about how it felt right that all of her brothers and sisters and even a lot of my cousins were gathering together. I went to so many campfires and things. There was a lot of laughter. It was fun to all be together. Maybe that sounds inappropriate, but it felt right. I felt like we were honouring my grandmother. I feel like we are her legacy: the thing she is leaving behind. Now someone in my family said that my grandmother was a ordinary woman following an extraordinary God. That is true and I know that is how my grandmother would like us to remember her. She wouldn't want us to say a lot of fancy words about what she did on this earth, but yet there is something to be said for the family that she and my grandpa (who died before I was born) created together by the grace of God. It isn't so much like something showing off how awesome she was though. I think it is something that shows off how awesome God is. I was thinking about it when I was talking to my mum...about how the VMS clan is an example of the body of Christ. We always help each other, but in our own little way. Some people give rides, others fix houses, others baby sit children or pets, and others give hug. We all do what we can and it is never a direct exchange like "I'll watch your dog if you drive me to school." Life just kind of happens and we don't keep track of what favours are given to who or by who. I just always know that my mom's family is there if I need them. I hope they think of me as someone who is there for them if they need me. It is a spider web of good deeds, and that is stronger than a direct back and forth exchange.
All of that was just muddled up in my head and heart, but earlier this week I was thinking about what I am going to do with my life. The thought crossed my mind: what if I fall in love, get married, and have kids. Would that make me boring if my adventure stopped and I stopped travelling and gave up academic learning and my husband and I just worked, bought a house, raised kids, made dinner, cleaned, and paid bills. Are people who do that just selfishly channeling all of their awesomeness back into their own family and just living to continue living instead of trying to make a difference in the world? Is making a strong family making a difference in the world?
Then it hit me. My mom's family is like a metaphor for or an example of the body of Christ. Being in a family is loving your neighbour. It is what the Christian life is all about.
Maybe God didn't call us to love strangers in some mechanical "I'm purposefully trying to make the world a better place" kind of way. Maybe it is supposed to be more natural.
This all came back to me tonight when I was visiting friends from my church I haven't seen all summer. It felt like I was coming home to a family and I was reminded of a thought I'd had: families don't have to be biological. You can adopt your family or be adopted into a family. Your friends, classmates, or coworkers can become your family. Sometimes I feel like wherever I go I'm making new family members, and maybe that is the point. Maybe life is about going out and making a family. I'm finding people to love sure, but we are not perfect love machines we need the strong supportive spider web of family to love us as we love them so we can love them. And the best kind of families, I like to think, are like my family, they are the ones that always have room to expand to add new people. Growing up, when my clan got together for thanksgiving there were always friends of family, but we treated them like family. People in my family got there by a whole variety of ways, but I care about them all the same. So I suggest you find a family, create a family, and grow grow grow it. Because for me that just might be the only way I know to live.
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