I already talked about the blog posts that have inspired my thoughts on churches and also my personal story surrounding the issue. However I just realised that my other post was pretty confusing and random. I just kind of told my life story to no avail. So I figured I would try again to put my thoughts into a more concise manner by falling the suit of those other blogs and make a list of reasons why I have considered leaving a church (any of the numerous churches I've been a part of over the years). I don't have 15, but this is what I have. It should be noted that while some of the things on this list MAY apply to my current church they do not all necessarily apply.
1. Some churches are not supportive communities in terms of helping each other through rough times like how the early church tried to have nobody in need among them.
2. I love spontaneity, to me spontaneity says sincerity and sometimes I feel like worshipping in a church is putting my relationship with Jesus into a box.
3. I really struggle with the process of sanctification. I feel like going to church means I have to be growing and if I'm feeling stagnant everyone's going to judge me. It kind of makes me feel like I'm living out my relationship with Jesus in a fish bowl.
4. I am not a evangelical person. I want to be, because I feel like as much as I struggle with my faith it has changed my life exponentially in many good ways and I want to share that with people, but I'm just not comfortable with that yet because I still have a very polite and respectful mindset in terms of evangelism and I feel like I'm pressured to go too far too fast.
5. Churches tend to be very close minded. Which makes sense because Christianity does teach that there is one universal truth, but I feel that it makes it very difficult for people who are trying to overcome their difficulties with understanding or accepting this truth to talk through this process when everyone else is basically just saying "Well it's in the Bible so deal with it."
Sub genres of close mindedness
6. I struggle with certain teachings in the Bible like how homosexuality is apparently wrong and I feel like going to church means I have to accept all of these beliefs right away and it means I automatically agree with all of these things even if I'm still struggling with it.
7. Some particular churches are very serious about gender issues and very restricting to women which makes me uncomfortable.
In summary I guess you can basically say that church makes me aware of just how broken I am and how slow the process of sanctification is in my life and in comparison with the lives of those around me this makes me super duper nervous. I guess that's really not church's fault, its my fault. I haven't fully given into grace because seeing my brokenness still makes me squirm uncomfortably.
Reasons why I've stayed at church:
1. The people are very supportive at my current church both of my physical needs and my spiritual journey.
2. No matter how slow my journey is and how discouraging it can be sometimes I can't give up on it completely. I am drawn to Jesus and this makes me want to struggle with the things I can't accept or understand. This makes me want to keep returning and never turn my back.
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