We have probably all been there (on both sides of the equation): you are meeting a new person for the first time, you know almost nothing about them and they know almost nothing about you. You exchange names. There is a moment of awkward silence. One or both of you are in university or college so one of you picks up the old stand by for such situations and asks "Oh you go to such and such a school? What year are you in? What are you studying? What do you plan to do with that when you graduate?
And I proceed to die a little inside.
Now, the one who asks these questions is probably well intentioned, but I think we need to rethink our process for getting to know strangers who are students.
The first problem I have with these questions is that they help keep alive an unnecessary shame - the shame of being twenty something and not know what you are doing with your life, the shame of being in university for something you find interesting only to discover that this isn't what you want to do with your life. If this IS a problem, I don't think all the blame needs to fall on the individual. If this IS a problem it is probably due to a complex blend of our individual decision making styles, a flawed educational system, the larger society, and the way we were raised. Even if the individual is all to blame I can tell you from experience that most of us probably spend enough of our own time feeling guilty about our lack of direction that we are not in need of this sort of reminder every time we try to make a new friend.
I don't even know if it IS a problem. So what! Our lives aren't straight, they twist and turn, isn't that a sign of growth? If we were all still the same person we were in Kindergarten and had never changed our minds about our life direction would you not worry that we had never actually learned anything powerful enough to affect us? (Not that there is anything wrong with discovering your passions at a young age, all I'm saying is SOMETHING about you has probably changed, and for most of us it is a LOT of somethings.)
Another big problem I have with this is that it reduces us to boring two dimensional people. For example, if you asked me these questions all you would know about me is "I am in fourth year studying English literature and Canadian studies and I have no idea what I am going to do with my life." That makes me sound pretty dull and sort of idiotic.
Imagine if you asked me something else like "What are your passions in life?" "If you were a tree what kind of tree would you be?" "If you could distill all the joys of life into one ideal moment what would that moment look like?"
If you asked me those questions you would learn so much more about me, I would seem like more of a three dimensional person, and I would avoid having to relive my shame for my lack of direction in life.
If you asked me those questions, you would learn "I love to read, especially children's literature and Canadian literature. I enjoy writing short stories and essays, and even some poetry. I love working with children and I love animals and the outdoors." "I would be a willow tree because I am dramatic. I feel things deeply, both small sorrows and small joys." "For me the ideal moment would include these things: light ( maybe shafting through a stained glass window illuminating dust which looks like its dancing as it floats downward, or maybe late afternoon sun dancing on the water, or flickering flames in the middle of a dark circle), friends, and music."
You can get as creative as you want with your questions and answers, but whatever you do, lets stop asking the same awkward questions.
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