Grappling with Christian worship/ praise and a poem

Before you read the following poem I want to explain something. I just recently started to read John Piper's book Desiring God. I find it really fascinating. Parts of it make total sense to me because they are discussing things I've heard a thousand times in a thousand different ways. Other parts, the more detailed versions of those more common insights, are difficult for me to comprehend. The main concept seems to be that "The chief end of man is to glorify God by enjoying Him forever," or "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him." This is tough to hear for someone who sometimes struggles to believe that God exists and that He is good and better than everything else. It is hard to believe for someone, like Peter, who all too easily stops looking at Christ and looks at the waves instead. It is hard to think about for someone who doesn't like to go to church because she so often feels like she is lying when she sings the songs but who doesn't like to not go to church because she really wants to love the Lord above all else and find her ultimate joy in Him. So I wrote my own poem that I feel honours what is really going on in my head better than most Christian songs. This isn't about someone who has fully recognized the beauty of God, but it is about someone who wants to. Talking about God is always a controversial topic. So please try not to get mad if I offend you, I'm not trying to. I'm merely sharing what's on my mind.

I’ve wandered in this wilderness for far too long

But I keep on hearing this one great song

It draws me onward

Though I stumble and slip

It draws me upward

Though this darkness is thick

 

It is the song of a million witnesses

Of the most unimaginable beauty

And I too want to see the magnificence

Though something always seems to stop me

 

So mine is a small voice crying in the darkness

Give me water so I won't thirst,
Bread that I shall never hunger,
Light so I'll never stumble

But really all I long for is a glimpse of that one face

And a true encounter with the glorious beauty of grace

Poems

Perspective

We are but specs of dust
And perspective is to know
I am not alone and you
Are no bigger or smaller

I am neither lesser nor better
For we are but two specs
Like stars in the sky
Bright pinpoints in darkest night

But in my heart it's larger
A star is a great fire
And so are both you and I
Though we are but specs

Longings

I want to grow roots
Like an old oak tree
Tall but very deep

I've wandered too long
And I've grown too weak
While searching and longing

Give me water so I won't thirst,
Bread that I shall never hunger,
Light so I'll never stumble

Joy in my roots,
Something deeper,
And a place like home

You Fly Like Ancient Mythology

You fly like ancient mythology
For you must avoid the sun
But you call it pleasure

You name yourself freedom
Choosing a slow death,
You choke you're own breath

You know not what you do
When true freedom calls to you
To fly higher than you can know

I see you like a child
Trapped in human mistakes
While I dream of another day

For I know you will dance again

Symbolism

I once saw a sky that was full of stars, just like this one is. However, everything between the stars was different. It was still black, but it somehow seemed more solid. It was capable of covering up the stars and almost choking out their flames.

I once saw a rose bush where none of the flowers were connected to the stems. They would appear in the air above, float there for a moment, like a very calm humming bird and then shrivel and die because no nutrients could get to them.

I once met a person who seemed to lived without language.  I kept thinking I must just not be using the right words. I tried every one I could think of, I even used American Sign Language and a variety of written languages, but I could not get them to respond in any way. I will never know if they understood anything I ever said.

I once climbed to the top of a very tall mountain and met a person who had lived there for  so long they had forgotten where they had originally come from. All they could remember is that one day they had reached the top, seen the glory, and decided to never leave again. What else even mattered? "Don't you have a family?" I yelled, but they didn't answer.

Do We Need to Change the Questions We Ask Eachother?

We have probably all been there (on both sides of the equation): you are meeting a new person for the first time, you know almost nothing about them and they know almost nothing about you. You exchange names. There is a moment of awkward silence. One or both of you are in university or college so one of you picks up the old stand by for such situations and asks "Oh you go to such and such a school? What year are you in? What are you studying? What do you plan to do with that when you graduate?

And I proceed to die a little inside.

Now, the one who asks these questions is probably well intentioned, but I think we need to rethink our process for getting to know strangers who are students.

The first problem I have with these questions is that they help keep alive an unnecessary shame - the shame of being twenty something and not know what you are doing with your life, the shame of being in university for something you find interesting only to discover that this isn't what you want to do with your life. If this IS a problem, I don't think all the blame needs to fall on the individual. If this IS a problem it is probably due to a complex blend of our individual decision making styles, a flawed educational system, the larger society, and the way we were raised. Even if the individual is all to blame I can tell you from experience that most of us probably spend enough of our own time feeling guilty about our lack of direction that we are not in need of this sort of reminder every time we try to make a new friend.

I don't even know if it IS a problem. So what! Our lives aren't straight, they twist and turn, isn't that a sign of growth? If we were all still the same person we were in Kindergarten and had never changed our minds about our life direction would you not worry that we had never actually learned anything powerful enough to affect us? (Not that there is anything wrong with discovering your passions at a young age, all I'm saying is SOMETHING about you has probably changed, and for most of us it is a LOT of somethings.)

Another big problem I have with this is that it reduces us to boring two dimensional people. For example, if you asked me these questions all you would know about me is "I am in fourth year studying English literature and Canadian studies and I have no idea what I am going to do with my life." That makes me sound pretty dull and sort of idiotic.

Imagine if you asked me something else like "What are your passions in life?" "If you were a tree what kind of tree would you be?" "If you could distill all the joys of life into one ideal moment what would that moment look like?"

If you asked me those questions you would learn so much more about me, I would seem like more of a three dimensional person, and I would avoid having to relive my shame for my lack of direction in life.

If you asked me those questions, you would learn "I love to read, especially children's literature and Canadian literature. I enjoy writing short stories and essays, and even some poetry. I love working with children and I love animals and the outdoors." "I would be a willow tree because I am dramatic. I feel things deeply, both small sorrows and small joys." "For me the ideal moment would include these things: light ( maybe shafting through a stained glass window illuminating dust which looks like its dancing as it floats downward, or maybe late afternoon sun dancing on the water, or flickering flames in the middle of a dark circle), friends, and music."

You can get as creative as you want with your questions and answers, but whatever you do, lets stop asking the same awkward questions.