Where I am right now

Sometimes my light inside feels so dim,
As most of me tries to run from Him,
But the funny thing is that I never do.
Cause He always says "child I'm holding onto you."
And I'm coming to see
Just how much I believe.
One thing I never want to do is lie
About how I really feel inside.
My confusion burns brighter than any thing else  sometimes
But I'm not ready to leave it all behind.
I have never been willing to lie to belong,
Though I think a lot of people
Thought I was just afraid to admit I was wrong.
Now I'm wondering if I have to be firmly on either side
of this ever so argumentative line.
Someday my faith may be strong enough
Or I may find a way to prove some stuff,
But, for now, I won't let go
Just because of what I don't know.
I feel like listening to my heart
May just be a good place to start.
Yet, I'm still not willing
to embrace illogical living.
For now I shall be honest about what I can and cannot see
While I'm waiting to take another step either way I hope you'll be patient with me.
I want you to know I don't plan to stay here forever
I just can't move till my head and heart agree with each other.
So can I do this at my pace?
And can you maybe give me just a little grace?