Metaphorical Crutches: Not Being Ashamed of my Mental/ Emotional Health Strategies

I have been thinking about the metaphor of the crutch. People talk about crutches as if they are something bad. If something is someone's crutch it's a thing that they cling to in order to avoid the responsibility of independence, but the thing is that we aren't independent. We are interdependent. We are all messed up and need help, but we have different problems and different gifts and we can lean on each other and help each other out. Crutches don't keep an injured man injured forever, they help him be able to keep waking even while his injury is still healing!

I have been thinking about the comparison between depression and cancer. This is a useful comparison to show people that things that eat away at us on a mental and emotional level are just as real and serious as physical illnesses. We cannot wake up and overpower the darkness inside of us armed only with positive thinking and sheer will power any more than a cancer patient could.

However, many of us do not struggle with mental and emotional problems resembling cancer, but more like something resembling diabetes or some other illness that probably won't kill me (if I deal with it properly), but may never go away. Just as people with long term injuries, illnesses, and people born with different abilities (like blindness or deafness) require different tools and different life strategies, many people are not in danger of suicide or completely giving up but every day they have to figure out how to live with self hatred, anxiety, and sadness.

I was thinking about this today because one thing I have to live with is that I get overwhelmed really easily. If I have too much on my plate (too many thoughts in my head) it can lead to an intense anxiety. One tool I have used forever is talking to my mom. To get all my thoughts out of my head and not just on paper but actually given to someone else who can help me work through them helps me let go of each little thing which relieves the big ball of anxiety that is created when all the little things add up. Because of this, I literally talk to my mom for hours everyday about every little thing. Sometimes I worry that this means I'm not a good adult and anyways, what am I going to do when my mom dies? My mom (practical as ever) said I'll just have to find someone else to talk to when she dies because that is a strategy that works for me, and I realised that I don't have to be ashamed of this crutch because I need it to be able to walk through my everyday life, so as long as I haven't fallen into a heap on the floor its all good. So figure out what works for you and don't be ashamed if you don't do things the way others do!

Why I Hate Essentially Everything Ever Written to Single Christians

There are so many things that I see on a daily basis that are directed towards single Christians that just make me groan. The interesting thing is that they make me groan for quite a variety of different reasons. Sometimes I will see two posts that almost contradict each other and yet both of them make me mad. I am trying to respect my single friends who have views that differ from mine. We are all stumbling along through life trying to figure it out and that’s cool, but I do want to share my perspective while admitting that I could be wrong. First I would like to talk about the phrase “Date when you are ready, not when you are lonely.” Being lonely is a legitimate problem! God created Eve because “It is not good that the man should be alone.” Christians always say that God loves us and we should value Him more than some other human, which is true, and yet Adam had God and God still gave him a partner. Yes, I hope that all my single friends will be able to find joy and peace though they are alone, but I don’t want them to feel like they are a horrible person for feeling lonely. That is a legitimate feeling. Also what the heck does it mean to be ready for a relationship? I hate this idea that we have to sit around and become perfect for our future spouse for two reasons. The first is that no one is perfect, even married people; I know this for a fact, because I have married relatives and friends. Yes, there are some tools we need to start a lifelong relationship and sometimes I am glad I am not in a relationship because I don’t have certain tools like trust and communication, but people in relationships are going to be growing and learning their whole lives just like the rest of us. The other reason that I hate this idea of waiting around perfecting myself for some dude is that it makes it seem like my life has no value until I am married and everything I am doing now is only valuable if it is preparation for the future. That’s dumb. I have value as an individual and I am doing things for others or myself that have nothing to do with some random dude I may or may not marry some day, but these things still matter. Even my growth has purpose outside of a future marriage. Will a future husband benefit from any maturing I do now? Yes, but myself and my friends and strangers on the street will also benefit from it and the difference is that we are benefiting from it now not in some magical tomorrow land. That is why I hate the tradition of talking about and writing to a future spouse. For one thing you don’t even know if they exist. You might be writing to a fictional character, and I mean there is nothing wrong with that, in fact maybe I’ll go write Anne of Green Gables a letter, but I don’t want to spend my entire life obsessing over someone who doesn’t exist. I do love that people who do this kind of stuff are acknowledging that it is not wrong to admit you are lonely and want a future spouse, but I want you to know the joys of right now! Good food and drink, friends and family, pets, nature, working hard, a child holding your hand! There are so many things that bring joy other than just romance. This is something I hate about the culture even outside of the church. I want more movies, songs, and books about something other than romance. Ok that’s it. My rant is over.

Six Things Smart People Could Learn from Stupid People

First off let me ask you to PLEASE not be offended by the titles smart and stupid. This post has serious content in it, but to a certain degree I am attempting humour.

Let me explain how this list came to be. I firmly believe that I am stupid, but none of my friends agree so I was initially going to write a joke post titled "How to Trick People into Thinking You are Smart." It was mostly tips for how to survive university, though, and as I was thinking about it I realised that "stupid people" actually get way more out of university than "smart people." So I wrote this instead.

1. Time management. Smart people have the privilege of being mentally capable of procrastination. A stupid person cannot punch out an award winning essay in one night no matter how many energy drinks they down. This may seem like a loss for stupid people, but they are learning how to manage their time and really, this is a lesson that everyone is going to need eventually.

2. Work ethic. This one is very similar to time management. A smart person can try only a little bit and spend most of their life flying by the seat of their pants. This makes things easier for them, at first, but employers and the such are really going to appreciate the work ethic that stupid people develop out of necessity.

3. Interdependence. Smart people have the ability to be independent. They can get through life relying on themselves in a way that stupid people just can't. In university, for example, a stupid person is going to need more than alcohol and caffeine. A stupid person will probably depend on their smarter friends, use the academic skill centre, even (GASP) actually attend their professor's office hours. Plus stupid people are going to need to learn how to reach out for emotional support because their inability to depend upon their own brain may lead to a lot of stress and anxiety.

4. Humility. Theoretically speaking, if you spend your life as the smartest in the room needing no one's help, it is probably going to be hard not to become arrogant. Whereas, if you spend your  life staring your flaws in the face and admitting you need the help of other, smarter, people you are probably going to develop some super useful humility.

5. The importance of knowledge. Smart people can get by on intellect alone without needing to gain access to important knowledge. This one may apply to places other than university but it makes most sense in an academic context. The smart people look at the syllabus and think "Oh hey the essay and the exam are worth the most. I can ace the exam without studying and write a stellar essay in one night, so now all I have to do is come to a couple classes here and there to keep the prof off my case and I don't even have to do any readings I'll just throw in a couple comments based off the lecture to get participation marks." A stupid person, on the other hand, knows that no matter how hard they study or how much effort they put into the essay they are not guaranteed a good mark, so they have to do their best and try really hard in everything, which includes actually doing their readings. At first it may seem that the smart person has won because they do less work and get better grades, but the stupid person is actually gaining knowledge because of all the hard work they have to put into getting a passing grade.

6. The ability to learn and grow. A smart person can easily fall into the belief that there is nothing more for them to learn while a stupid person always knows that there is more.

Laurissa writes a femminist blog post!? (No, more like humanist)

This is for the skinny women who are tired of being told that "real women have curves" and constantly being reprimanded for not eating enough simply because their metabolism is rather fast. I know you can struggle with looking in the mirror and accepting what you see just as much as the next person. I know you have fallen pray to the bitter anger of jealousy. I feel for you. I imagine too that perhaps you are tired of the compliments on your looks and wish to be appreciated for what you carry in your mind, heart, and soul because I myself have felt that way and I don't even get that many compliments on my appearance.

HOWEVER, this is also for all the fuller bodied women because I want to show you that love for one person or group of people does not have to come at the expense of another. I know what the self hatred is like and the endless useless effort to change it all. I know that it can be harder to fall in love or get a job. Just the other day I heard my boss say that he needs cashiers but they have to be hot. I am not a cashier and the other girl who works in the same department as me has a similar body shape to minw while the cashier is much more thin. Were we all given our positions based on some ridiculous whim of my boss?  So it is truly possible that you are missing out on things because of your body type not to mention the name calling and persecution. It makes me sad.

We all need to learn how to accept ourselves and each other.

This is even for the man who is made fun of for being scrawny or fat, but it is also for the muscular man who is only appreciate for his body and expected to be a certain way.

This is for all people.

This is for the man who cries and is thought to be a sissy and the man who never cries and is thought to be too tough.

This is for the man ridiculed because he would rather cook, clean, and take care of his kids than fight with the numbers in their budget book and the woman ridiculed because cooking, cleaning, and childcare seem to her the most painful of monotonies.

It is for the woman who cannot walk home alone at night simply because of the gender she was born with and for the woman with a black belt in karate who walks without fear but gets criticized for trying to do things that are typically male.

This is for the woman who is persecuted in a job full of men and perhaps paid less too, but also for the woman who is looked down upon as someone not fighting for the cause simply because she WANTS to work in a more traditionally female role.

This is for the mother who wants to be respected for staying at home and the one who wants to be respected for having a career.

This is for all of us.

Fight for your cause, but not at the expense of someone else's struggle. We will only win if we work together.

Sympathy for the Hipster (What Hipsters Show About Humanity)

I saw a funny video one time that said that the one thing that we can all agree with whether we are gay, straight, black, white, religious, atheist, or none of the above is that we all hate hipsters. Even the hipsters are supposed to hate hipsters because no true hipster admits to being a hipster. I get it guys, I really do. I don't like their attitude like they are so much better than us just because I am not familiar with the band they like. I do not understand their ability to like things ironically. There is a Nerdfighter movement on the interwebs that says hey, let's unashamedly like what we like. That sounds a lot more authentic, real, and genuine than liking something to get status doesn't it? Here is the thing though, I was having a chat with a friend of mine who is basically a hipster and he was frustrated with how much people like certain books, movies, music, and TV shows because he felt that they didn't really like those things but were jumping on band wagons so that they could belong to a group or fan base. There is something wonderful about that sense of community when you all like the same thing. Hipsters may lack that sense of community but they have something else, authenticity. It may seem funny to say this when they are so known for liking things ironically, but I think a big part of why they don't want to admit to just straight up liking something popular is because they are afraid they don't like what it is for what it is, but for its popularity and to belong. They just want to like that weird band that no one has heard of because it makes them feel like they really like it for what it is and not for a community that it lets them be a part of, or a popularity it gives them, and also they seem to believe artists should create their art out of love for their art and not a desire to be popular or make money. Are those not beautiful ideas? The only problem is now liking something obscure gives you a weird sense of credit. Maybe not popularity, but it makes you seem like you are more knowledgeable about art/books/music/movies and that can motivate you more than just what you like. I think this just shows a lot of interesting stuff about what desires motivate humans. The desire for respect, belonging, and enjoyment and how these three things can sometimes conflict. It is just interesting.

Reading the Bible

I'm sitting on the front steps watching the wind dance through the trees. Listening to the leaves joining in. My  own hair tries to dance off my head. It is a beautiful afternoon. My one hand is wrapped around a mug of tea soaking in the warmth on this cold October day. My other hand holds tight to a pen. There is a book laying open on my lap. It is a well read book with wrinkled pages covered in colorful markings. I haven't read it in months. I feel my stomach tighten the way it always does when I read this book because this book reminds me that I am not what I would like to be someday. There is a light I can sometimes see, dim though it often shines in this dark world of mine, and I want to see more of that light in me, but the darkness of the world crowds its way into my heart and I'm growing weary of the endless days of monotonous pain for the way things are and the way they could be. I want to close the book and put it away because it hurts too much, but it stays open. Where is that neighbour's cat when I need a hug? My eyes are on the page although my mind is racing around in circles. Something causes me to pause. "Abide in my love." It sounds simple enough. Cut through the pain and the worry and take it back to what I think it was meant to be all along. But how do I do it? Can I drink it in the way I do the warmth and comfort of a mug of tea. Can I sit inside it like a windy day? Letting the beauty of it all change me. The way I enter the house more thankful and at peace after a long walk in the woods. I still do not understand. But I am not done with this book just yet.

OH THE MYSTERY! (Laurissa Discusses Books #2 - The Hound of The Baskervilles)

I just finished reading The Hound of the Baskervilles by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, which is the first Sherlock Holmes novel I have ever read. I haven't actually read very many mystery books of any sort at all. In fact I think the only mystery novels I have read (not including the children's mystery books that I read growing up) are a couple of the ones by Canadian author Louise Penny which are set in a small Quebec town and future detective Armand Gamache. The mystery for me is why is this such a compelling genre for so many readers and, similarly, why are crime shows like Sherlock, CSI, Bones, and Castle so popular on T.V.? I don't like this genre very much because I read, and watch T.V., for two things. First I read for characters. I want books, T.V., and movies with characters that I can fall in love with and think of as friends. Second, I read for observations about humanity. I want books to remind me that I am not alone in experiencing what I am experiencing and to put the experiences I cannot express into words I can understand. I do not simply read to be entertained and I don't like books, like mysteries, that push me to read faster and faster keeping me from the enjoyable experience of rolling intriguing phrases around in my mind by forcing me to race to the end for answers to the mystery.  So if mystery isn't my thing, why does it appeal to so many other people?

Perhaps one reason is because of the challenge it provides. At the end of The Hound of The Baskervilles, Sherlock Holmes says that he had already basically figured out the case before he even left London and that he only left because he needed proof for the courts. Well, the readers were given almost all of the same information as Sherlock, and yet I definitely did not know what was happening until the very end. For some, more ambitious, readers though this possibility of being able to figure things out before they are revealed to you may present itself as an exciting challenge.

I think there must also be a certain attraction to the detectives. I have been told that the character of Sherlock has inspired the creation of T.V. characters like The Mentalist, Dr. Gregory House, and of course tons of adaptations of Sherlock Holmes himself including the currently popular BBC mini series version. What is so appealing to us about a not always nice, but really smart and perceptive man?

I was a little disappointed that the characters in the book were not quite as vibrant as those in the BBC mini series. I find that often, in books that are very plot orientated, the characters can become a little bland. This book definitely did a better job than some, though. It painted a confident, self assured Sherlock Holmes who didn't have much time to consider the needs and wants of those around him and a Watson who was somewhat anxious to gain Sherlock's approval. The duo kind of reminded my of the similar relationship between Iggy and Victoria on the web series spinoff of Frankenstein: Frankenstein M.D. I was also really intrigued by Lord Henry's character with his tendency towards hasty action, but I would have liked to see these and other characters flushed out a little bit more.

But back to why we would be attracted to someone like Sherlock Holmes and mystery detectives in general. Maybe it is as simple as the fact that in a world where so much does not make sense we find very appealing the idea of a man whose comprehension of the world around him is much more fine tuned than ours. In this way it is possible that Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's novel says quite a lot about human nature even without the fancy existential commentary of some less plot driven and more philosophical novels.