Ok this is something for you to think about: What if we loved perpetrators as much as we loved their victims?
My minor in university is Canadian Studies which is an interdisciplinary subject. Through it I have taken environmental studies, Indigenous studies, women/gender studies, literature, and history classes.
Right from first year, my Canadian Studies classes have all been about what is wrong with Canada. I have noticed a lot of anger. Everyone sees something different that upsets them, something that they want to change. It might be racism, sexism, poverty, global warming, pollution...you name it...it seems that everyone is sad and mad about something.
Here's a thought though: why does everyone always immediately jump to blaming? We blame white people, men, rich people, industries, institutions, and governments...you name it...everyone is blaming someone.
What no one seems to be doing is trying to figure out why people do the bad things they do. Why do certain races of people take advantage of other races of people? Why do men abuse women? Why do the rich not share with the poor? Why do industries care more about money than the environment? Why are institutional and governmental leaders failing to lead responsibly? Maybe things would change if, instead of yelling at people for what they do and do not do, we took a minute and listened to why they do what they do. What is motivating their actions? Fear? Anger? Ignorance? I'm starting to wonder if people need to change in order for the world to change and if hearts need to change in order for people to change. People need love. I'm not just talking about victims of racism, sexism, poverty, and environmental issues needing love, I'm talking about PERPETRATORS needing love. It's just a thought.
It's just a thought, but I know that sometimes (ok a lot of times) I do things I shouldn't or I don't do things I should. I am a perpetrator. I don't stand up when one person is being mean to another. I am not generous with my money. I do not reach out to the friendless. I am guilty, but I am guilty because I am angry, because I am afraid, because I am selfish, because my heart needs to be loved so that it can change, so that it can love.
If someone just yells at me "You are guilty! You must change yourself to change the world, because it is all your fault!" I will either cry or yell, because inside I will be thinking, I am wrong because I am angry, scared, and selfish and I don't know how to change myself, so I don't know how to change the world, so there is no hope. I have been loved, even though the darkness of the world was in me too, and despite the fact that I too am a perpetrator. This love is the only reason that I feel hope, it is the only reason I can over come fear to love others.
Just thinking aloud.
Monday, 11 February 2013
Thursday, 7 February 2013
What is love anyways? How at 21 I am starting to find the answer to a question I asked at 4.
Now, most of you all know me and you know how philosophical I can be sometimes. Therefore, it may not surprise you to discover that I have been contemplating the word 'love'. What ever does it mean?
I will admit that 'love' is a word which has been confusing me for a very long time even though I use it almost every day. I remember how once, when I was only maybe somewhere between four or six years old, I asked my Mom what love was and how I could know if I loved her. I told her I wanted to know if wanting to love someone meant that I loved them. My parents were very loving parents. They would hug me every day and tell me that they loved me and I felt obligated to say it back, but I've always been an oddly confused person with a serious fear or dislike of lying, so I was afraid to say it when I didn't really know what it meant or if it was true.
These days, if I ask my Mom something like this she doesn't even give an extra blink. After 21 years of guiding me through life, she's used to me and my questions. However, back then, this was not the kind of thing she expected to come out of the mouth of her little daughter, and I think it hurt her a bit. When I try to think about it from my Mom's perspective I realise that if I ever get to be as awesome of a Mom as she is, then I am probably going to hope that my children will be able to love me back. If they don't I will worry that I am doing something wrong, because I think we sometimes think of love as a way of showing our appreciation for someone else's kindness. However, I think little me was right to be questioning all of this. It is interesting that love is used so often but nobody ever really stops to figure out what it means.
I still sometimes I wonder what love is. Is love enjoying someone's existence? If it is, then what about when you don't enjoy that person's existence? Everyone is annoying sometimes. I remember when I was growing up my Mom would always tell me that she loved me even when she was mad. This always confused me, because I thought love was enjoying someone, and how can she enjoy me when I'm being bad? That is why I started wondering if love was more then just enjoying someone. If it was, then what else was it? Also, how could I know if I loved someone? I really wanted to love my Mom even when I didn't enjoy her, like when she made me do things I didn't want to, but I didn't really know what that meant, so I didn't know how I could know if I loved her like that. That is why I asked her all those questions.
Maybe love isn't about enjoying someone's existence. Maybe it is about caring for someone. I recognize that my Mom cared about my well being even when she was mad. In fact, she was usually only mad if I was doing something she knew was not good for me. If love is just acting out of care for someone, then why do we care? Why do we help? Do we care because we enjoy someone's existence so we want them to be ok so that we can go on enjoying their existence? Do we care because we hope that if we help someone they will help us? Or is love about helping people even if they won't help us, even if they don't deserve it, even if they drive us crazy all the time?
Now, I'm going to look at what the Bible says about love. You may not believe that everything in the Bible is true, but even if you don't you may find that it is still rather fascinating! 1 John 16 says "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers." I think we can all pretty much get behind that idea of love. I mean, say you hear in the news that someone died to save the life of a little child. I think most of us probably know and cherish the stories of men getting hit by a bus to push a little kid out of harms way. These stories are sad, but beautiful. We may cherish these stories because they are examples of people putting someone else ahead of themselves, which is an idea I think most of us find to be really beautiful when we see it in action.
In the Bible, Romans 5:7-8 says "Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Sin just means we have missed the mark, like in archery. Even if you disagree with God's goals for us and think that the marks He has given that we have missed shouldn't be marks at all, the NOTION of loving someone who has failed all of your expectations is a seriously fascinating one. I think we all have expectations for our friends, and we all probably have people we know that we don't hang out with because they don't meet our expectations, so we don't like them.
Then in verse 10 it takes this idea even farther saying that "when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son." Wait a second! Enemies? That is pretty intense. I mean, I might not really like that one person in my class who doesn't meet my expectations of a friend, I might think they are rude and annoying, but they aren't my enemy and I will tolerate them. Google tells me an enemy is "A person who is actively opposed or hostile to someone or something." As an English major I think of enemy in a fairy tale sense. The enemy is the bad guy who tires to completely undo the peace in the fairy tale kingdom for his own personal gain and hurts a bunch of other people in the process. The enemy is the one who is going directly against the hero and trying to undo all that he or she is working for. Now the Bible says that God loves His enemies. Woah there dawg. That's just crazy. Who loves their enemies?
Think about it though. Enemies are people who don't deserve love. An enemy is someone that does not deserve it if someone else puts that enemy's needs ahead of their own needs. An enemy is someone who does not deserve the sacrifice of someone dying for them. And, apparently, God's idea of love, is giving His enemies the everlasting life that they don't deserve, even if He has to die to do this. That might seem whacked until you think of all the things you appreciate receiving even when you don't deserve it. If you had a bad day and you punched me in the face do you deserve my forgiveness? Ok, you had a bad day, maybe your lap top died, and you failed your test, and your girlfriend broke up with you, and you just don't have any energy left to be nice to others, but you don't punch someone in the face because you have a bad day. (I have never been punched in the face this is just an example.) You don't deserve my forgiveness, but, do you want my forgiveness? Do you want me to love you in the crazy messed up but beautiful way that the Bible says God loves?
I donno man. I don't really know all that much. I'm still just a confused little child when it comes down to it, but to ME, this God love, is something I want to receive, and it's something I want to be able to give to other people too. This is the love I have always wanted to give to my Mom. This is the love I have always hoped my Mom was referring to when she said she loved me. I'm starting to think that this kind of love can only be given if it is received, and that it can only be received from God, but what do I know? I'm not trying to tell you how things are, I'm just trying to give you something to think about. I hope I succeeded. Whatever you think about these things, thanks for reading my confused thoughts. I really appreciate it!
I will admit that 'love' is a word which has been confusing me for a very long time even though I use it almost every day. I remember how once, when I was only maybe somewhere between four or six years old, I asked my Mom what love was and how I could know if I loved her. I told her I wanted to know if wanting to love someone meant that I loved them. My parents were very loving parents. They would hug me every day and tell me that they loved me and I felt obligated to say it back, but I've always been an oddly confused person with a serious fear or dislike of lying, so I was afraid to say it when I didn't really know what it meant or if it was true.
These days, if I ask my Mom something like this she doesn't even give an extra blink. After 21 years of guiding me through life, she's used to me and my questions. However, back then, this was not the kind of thing she expected to come out of the mouth of her little daughter, and I think it hurt her a bit. When I try to think about it from my Mom's perspective I realise that if I ever get to be as awesome of a Mom as she is, then I am probably going to hope that my children will be able to love me back. If they don't I will worry that I am doing something wrong, because I think we sometimes think of love as a way of showing our appreciation for someone else's kindness. However, I think little me was right to be questioning all of this. It is interesting that love is used so often but nobody ever really stops to figure out what it means.
I still sometimes I wonder what love is. Is love enjoying someone's existence? If it is, then what about when you don't enjoy that person's existence? Everyone is annoying sometimes. I remember when I was growing up my Mom would always tell me that she loved me even when she was mad. This always confused me, because I thought love was enjoying someone, and how can she enjoy me when I'm being bad? That is why I started wondering if love was more then just enjoying someone. If it was, then what else was it? Also, how could I know if I loved someone? I really wanted to love my Mom even when I didn't enjoy her, like when she made me do things I didn't want to, but I didn't really know what that meant, so I didn't know how I could know if I loved her like that. That is why I asked her all those questions.
Maybe love isn't about enjoying someone's existence. Maybe it is about caring for someone. I recognize that my Mom cared about my well being even when she was mad. In fact, she was usually only mad if I was doing something she knew was not good for me. If love is just acting out of care for someone, then why do we care? Why do we help? Do we care because we enjoy someone's existence so we want them to be ok so that we can go on enjoying their existence? Do we care because we hope that if we help someone they will help us? Or is love about helping people even if they won't help us, even if they don't deserve it, even if they drive us crazy all the time?
Now, I'm going to look at what the Bible says about love. You may not believe that everything in the Bible is true, but even if you don't you may find that it is still rather fascinating! 1 John 16 says "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers." I think we can all pretty much get behind that idea of love. I mean, say you hear in the news that someone died to save the life of a little child. I think most of us probably know and cherish the stories of men getting hit by a bus to push a little kid out of harms way. These stories are sad, but beautiful. We may cherish these stories because they are examples of people putting someone else ahead of themselves, which is an idea I think most of us find to be really beautiful when we see it in action.
In the Bible, Romans 5:7-8 says "Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Sin just means we have missed the mark, like in archery. Even if you disagree with God's goals for us and think that the marks He has given that we have missed shouldn't be marks at all, the NOTION of loving someone who has failed all of your expectations is a seriously fascinating one. I think we all have expectations for our friends, and we all probably have people we know that we don't hang out with because they don't meet our expectations, so we don't like them.
Then in verse 10 it takes this idea even farther saying that "when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son." Wait a second! Enemies? That is pretty intense. I mean, I might not really like that one person in my class who doesn't meet my expectations of a friend, I might think they are rude and annoying, but they aren't my enemy and I will tolerate them. Google tells me an enemy is "A person who is actively opposed or hostile to someone or something." As an English major I think of enemy in a fairy tale sense. The enemy is the bad guy who tires to completely undo the peace in the fairy tale kingdom for his own personal gain and hurts a bunch of other people in the process. The enemy is the one who is going directly against the hero and trying to undo all that he or she is working for. Now the Bible says that God loves His enemies. Woah there dawg. That's just crazy. Who loves their enemies?
Think about it though. Enemies are people who don't deserve love. An enemy is someone that does not deserve it if someone else puts that enemy's needs ahead of their own needs. An enemy is someone who does not deserve the sacrifice of someone dying for them. And, apparently, God's idea of love, is giving His enemies the everlasting life that they don't deserve, even if He has to die to do this. That might seem whacked until you think of all the things you appreciate receiving even when you don't deserve it. If you had a bad day and you punched me in the face do you deserve my forgiveness? Ok, you had a bad day, maybe your lap top died, and you failed your test, and your girlfriend broke up with you, and you just don't have any energy left to be nice to others, but you don't punch someone in the face because you have a bad day. (I have never been punched in the face this is just an example.) You don't deserve my forgiveness, but, do you want my forgiveness? Do you want me to love you in the crazy messed up but beautiful way that the Bible says God loves?
I donno man. I don't really know all that much. I'm still just a confused little child when it comes down to it, but to ME, this God love, is something I want to receive, and it's something I want to be able to give to other people too. This is the love I have always wanted to give to my Mom. This is the love I have always hoped my Mom was referring to when she said she loved me. I'm starting to think that this kind of love can only be given if it is received, and that it can only be received from God, but what do I know? I'm not trying to tell you how things are, I'm just trying to give you something to think about. I hope I succeeded. Whatever you think about these things, thanks for reading my confused thoughts. I really appreciate it!
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